A dicked-off class has its revenge

So I stroll into my last class of the day prepared for another Sisyphian-like eternal repetition, and another nail in the coffin of my once mahogany-tinged vocal chords, to be greeted by a classroom decked in Chinese flags and an overly rapturous reception by fifty smug looking kids. I'm confused - national day was weeks ago - is this just a random display of patriotic fervour? I turn to the board to see a grossly huge and well-crafted map in green chalk labelled in capitals: C H I N A. Six inches from it lies a tiny, crudely etched turd shape, so small that the diminutive label attached to it can't fit within its borders. 'england'.

As their mocking laughter rings in my ears, the penny drops; it's that class whose patriotism I offended so severely with my mocking depiction of a tiny China.

I'm touched by their retort. But this is not the end.

One thousand and one ways to dick off a class of Chinese kids. Part 1

Draw big map of UK on board. Draw tiny speck next to it representing China. Explain map is to scale. Smirk liberally and stand back as fifty atlases are flung in your direction to cries of 'have you ever studied geography?' and 'why do you belittle our country?'. Duck and cover.